Chivalry is Dead
Is chivalry dead... and well and truly buried? Recently I've been reading C. S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia, and one of the more salient themes which stuck in my mind is the gallantry and courtesy with which the male characters regard their womenfolk, almost to the point of being obsequious. The males are the ones drawing their swords, always ready to defend the honour of the ladies and jump to the rescue of the damsels in distress. I can't help but decipher the undertones implicit herein.
I can imagine die-hard feminists foaming at the mouth and bursting a vessel over this, but I'm not one of them. Neither am I going to label Lewis a misogynist, because the book does not seem to suggest so. The females in the story are given adquate characterisation. They are not one dimensional cardboard cut-outs (Arwen, anyone?), but do parallel, if not outshine, their male counterparts in patience, wit and good sense.
Rather, I find the chivalry of the male characters amusing, partly because they seem so aberrant in today's society which generally places a premium on advocating gender equality.
So what is chivalry? I once saw a cartoon which seems to epitomise chivalrous behaviour, albeit in a satirical manner. But there's nothing I love more than a good parody.
The cartoon depicted an Englishman, who, upon seeing a lady walking on a street with a puddle of water in her way, promptly walks towards her and takes off his coat and places it over the puddle so that the lady can walk on it without wetting her shoes (Gucci, I'm sure).
I laughed, but its meaning was not lost on me. Is chivlary an outmoded concept? It's akin to some pompous, high-falutin' courtly behaviour, but which is woefully archaic in today's society. Back when women were encumbered by ponderous and unwieldy dresses and generally waddled around like penguins topped with three-feet-high hairdos - yes chivalry was needed but hey, times have changed.
Some folks interpret chivalry as being offensive to the ladies, whether well-intentioned or no. What, you're offering to carry my bag? Are you implying I am weak? I can carry my own bag, thank you very much, and probably trounce you in an arm-wrestling contest. Now buzz off.
It's not easy being male, and if you have ever encountered such rude behaviour, my commiserations. But traditional gender roles are converging. After all, David Beckham wears sarongs and goes around in a voice more high-pitched than most girls trapped in a room of mice. There are newly-fangled terms to help men get in touch with their more feminine side - Sensitive New Age Guy, Meterosexual, and then there's Queer Eye for a Straight Guy. Women are getting more educated, and smarter than men. Well, that ain't too difficult, given that the current American President is male.
Then there are those who want the best of both worlds. I demand equality, dignity and courtesy, and while you're at it, you can carry my shopping bag / open the car door / let me have your seat on the bus. Respect me, and worship me. Extol me like a goddess. Bow regularly, and venerate.
In my opinion, girls can't expect to have it both ways. If you want equality, you can't have preferential treatment.
In any case, I used to tell my male friends, "I don't believe in gender equality, I believe in female superiority."
Ahem. Ok, jokes aside, I think gender equality is fundamentally erroneous construct - men and women can achieve equality in certain cases, but are inherently unequal in other cases like physical strength. Bottomline - "equality" (a misnomer in this context) is not about treating women as if they were men, but about treating women the right way, as women. We want to be respected, we want the right to vote, we chafe at gender discrimination in school or at work, but we would still appreciate some help with moving heavy boxes or changing the car tyres. And please, no woman in the right frame of mind would want to do something as boring as fix a computer. That is the exclusive preserve of men, as are heavy trucks, trigonometry, and taking out the rubbish.
I'm being tongue-in-cheek here, whilst being equally serious. Ditch gender equality. Treat me like a woman ought to be treated, please. If not, who's gonna do the dirty work?
Tags: gender equality, sexual equality, chivalry, women
11 comments:
""equality" is not about treating women as if they were men, but about treating women the right way, as women." Well said. A little good manners, politness and kindess goes a long way in projecting the right image. After all, handsome is as handsome does! :-) Like your blog.
As a guy I can say I found your post to be valuable.
One thing that annoys me is when women want you to help them all the time and then get angry because our species is interfering in their "independence."
My first reaction is to simply give them their independence by ignoring them, but then that would reduce me to a schmoe. Great post by the way! ;)
PS
Since you don't have trackback installed or backlinks enabled, I want to let you know that I referenced your site on Blogger Delights. Congrats!
I know nothing about you, but this post made me a big fan! I know many of the women of whom you speak that want it both ways. My grandfather taught me to always respect women, and I would get yanked out of my shoes if I went through a door without holding it open for a lady.
So long as I live, chivalry will not die.
fabulous post. Living in the deep south has definitely shown me that respect and courtesy isn't dead.
Yes indeedy, feed the needy. I once held a door open for a lady. She got the last ticket to the show. I hate her now.
Talking to people in foreign countries, they are surprised that American men do not get up and offer their seats to women when traveling on public transportation. Women have fought hard for equality, they shouldn't be surprised when they get it.
Liked your post, will be back for more.
Hahaha! Well said, well said...
Cheers for all the comments. ;)
I know this is rather old, but....
I'd say the biggest reason that chivalry is not what it use to be is that things simply aren't as dangerous. Women can go their entire lives acting like they're just like men, and not get the hard knock-back.
(I grew up on a ranch. I know I'm tough for being a girl and small, but I'm also very aware that I'm not as tough as a guy my size.)
Also, respect for people and simple manners are slipping. No idea why on those, but... if the females who get upset at having guys offer to help were *ladies*, they'd bite their tongues, smile and say thank you.
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