Club Med, Bintan

The best retreat ever... well, not saying a lot though, considering this is only my second retreat, but I think this break deserves its own hyperbole. ;) It was just such an indulgent, epicurean treat. Scrumptious food (think I have fallen hopelessly in love with the tomatoes slices with cheese and basil), badminton games, trapeze accrobatics, late night X-box footy championships, clubbing, song and dance performances, and bucketloads of sun, sea and fun.

My favourite was charging headlong into the waves and getting tossed around like a piece of Texan tumbleweed. The currents were too strong to swim in, so what we did was stand in line, waiting to launch a full-frontal assualt on the waters. When the white froth started furling in like a gleaming banner, we dived like a projectile into the crest of the waves, quite like a bunch of swashbuckling fools, only to end up being tossed around good and proper with sand spilling outta our ears. I had several cuts and bruises from the sand and rocks, topped with a peeling red nose, and had to spend copious amounts of time washing the sand off my clothes, but it was well worth it. A truly divine experience.

Pass the Mic

Not feeling well today, so decided to give myself a break and just rest. Haven't felt so indulgently lazy for a while... well everyone needs his or her moments of respite I guess.

I really enjoyed last Friday's care group (karaokae session notwithstanding heheh!). I went back to office at about four to file my income tax returns and clean my desk. Then Jay came by and we practised praise and worship. Kudos to him for serving as guitarist for the first time in CG... no mean feat, considering he had to learn five songs within a span of one and a half hours, plus contend with erroneous chords printed off the Internet!

During CG the themes of surrendering to God's will and remembering the non-believers threaded our discussion and prayers. And during P&W I felt disoriented for a while, and my mind was preoccupied with getting the gestures, volume, pitching, etc right. God then reminded me of what He spoke during a missions trip to Paklang, Thailand - that P&W is not about setting the perfect atmosphere, or having a seamless program or flawlessly-executed technicalities. Be still, and know that I am God... and so I acquiesced and relinquished my fretful thoughts, trusting the Holy Spirit to lead. It is amazing how the still small voice of God can come through amidst a cyclone of clutter.

We shared about what Good Friday meant... I was reminded of the time when I was in the Lourve in Paris, and chanced upon a sculpture of a man, face contorted in agony, with nails through his palms and feet and a deep gash on the side his abdomen. I did not realise that it was Jesus at that time (was still an non-believer then) but I felt intensely saddened by the image before my eyes. Just as one's final moments before one's life expires are meant to be a private realm, it felt grossly intrusive to have a bloodied body, struggling with the throes of death and bereft of dignity, on public display for all to see. Even as a non-believer then, I was touched and repulsed, saddened and intrigued, by this man. I won't write at length here about the cruxificion; I have already penned a post on the movie Passion of the Christ, but suffice to say that to me, as a non-believer at that time, the image of Jesus on the cross, however hackneyed nowadays, is extremely confrontational if we take for a moment to ponder the meaning therein, as though it hearkens something which we know but are loathe to admit.

Ok, moving on to less heavy stuff. After CG concluded we launched into a full-force karaokae session. It was wonderful... Edmond and Jon's earnest expressions and choice hand gestures, Edmond instructing others to sit up straight and sing with one's diaphragm, several marrow-curdling off-key notes (heheh, it shall remain anonymous!), Albert gamely belting out English classics, dulcet-toned duets, wincing at the cheesy MTV images and tonnes of unadulterated great fun. It was the latest we have stayed, post-CG (t'was almost midnight when we left). Think our CG really has a penchant for karaokae, and there are a few budding singers in our midst. =)

Dad

A backdated post which I wrote some time back, managed to unearth it for posting. =)

Busy, busy, busy... busy nothings. I worked late tonight. Not like, obscenely late (before midnight, thank goodness). Daddy called at 7pm to ask me if I was done, since he usually drives me home. I was anything but finished. Hastily murmuring that I still needed time, I put down the receiver and delved headlong back into work.

Precious little occurred between then and what seemed like eternity. A colleague came over to hand me a custard bun, telling me not to skip dinner. I told her I don't like custard (hahaha! But I think she knows that's just me, sometimes I am just so blatantly frank and direct) but took the tribute gratefully anyway. Another colleague proffered a cab-sharing offer, but I couldn't leave cos work was unfinished. Messages from shepherd and UL. Colleagues popping over to say goodbye for the night. Sounds of papers being filed away, the jingle of Microsoft shutting down and office bags zipping close.

And then all was quiet. If you don't know me by now, I like solicitude when I'm working, especially in the night. It is quite pleasurable really, to hear nothing but the whirring drone of your laptop and the meticulous tapping on the keyboard.

Suddenly the phone rang and a shrill voice rang out. It was mummy.

Now, I hate being disturbed during my work. Especially by someone with a shrill voice.

Me: Hello.
Mum: Ya not back?
Me: No.
Mum: Daddy's waiting for you.
Me: I'll call him when I’m done.
Mum: He’s waiting for you behind your office building.
Me: Yeah, right.
Mum: He's really waiting for you behind your office building!
Me: Stop lying.
Mum: He really is!!
Me: [seizure of pangs of guilt]

I earnestly thought Dad was at home watching TV cos when he called earlier, cos I could hear the telly and mum's voice. What I didn't know was that he had driven to Shenton Way, reached my office by 7pm and has been sitting in his car at the small road behind the building waiting for me to call when I am finished with work. I threw a glance at the clock - 10.30pm. My dad has been patiently waiting for me, unbeknownst and going without dinner, sitting in his car in a small dingy lane, for a freaking three and a half hours to fetch me home.

My initial reaction was one of incredulity, why on earth did he not call me to tell me he has reached Shenton Way?? And there I was, thinking he was nestled in the sofa watching Discovery Channel. Then I recalled, probably I sounded pretty huffy when he called at 7pm to ask if I was finished with work. And that's probably the case. Daddy knew me well. He knew I was tied up with something, that I was getting impatient and have a chronic dislike for repeating myself when I am in a hurry, and that I hate to be disturbed. So he didn't call again to tell me he was waiting.

I hastily finished the last few sentences of my report, abandoned my pretty spreadsheet and darted downstairs. I apologized when I got into the car... well to be honest, rationally speaking, I wasn't really culpable cos I genuinely thought he was at home watching telly, but it didn't matter who's right anymore. I was simply, immeasurably touched by what he did. And awfully guilty at having sounded so irascible over the phone.

I don't deserve to have such a wonderful dad, I really don't.

The Bible: Tots-and-Chav-Style

Right, so I'm back to blogging. Will pen down some of the thoughts which transpired during my absence when I find the time, but right now, some gab fodder is due. My friends sent me these masterpieces, almost had me rolling off the floor in hapless hysterics.

The first is a retelling of the Bible through the eyes of children, as collated and published by Pocket Books.

The Bible is full of many interesting caricatures. Michael Angelo painted them on the Sixteen Chapels.

The first five books of the Bible are Guinesses, Exodus, Laxatives, Deuteronomy, and Numbers. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?"

Noah built an ark, which the animals came on to in pears. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

Abraham begets Isaac and Isaac begets Jacob and Jacob begets 12 partridges. Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother, Esau's birthmark. Esau was a man who wrote fables and sold his copyright for a mess of potash. One of Jacob's sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals. Samson was a strongman who slayed the Philistines by pulling down the pillows of the temple.

Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.

Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments. The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

Moses ate nothing but whales and manner for 40 years. He died before he ever reached Canada.

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He wrote the "B" Attitudes and explained, "Man doth not live by sweat alone."

The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistles were the wives of the apostles. One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a taximan.

Simon was called Peter -- it was like a nickname.
St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.

And the second piece was a depiction of the nativity scene as Chavs would tell it. For the uninitiated, Chavs are the British equivalent of the Ah Beng ( Chavette being its female counterpart), with a predilection for Burberry caps, remodelled vehicles, manky gold jewellery and sneakers. The lanugage here is mostly localised British English, albeit lower class and gansta-rapper style, but if you are familiar with the terms it is dead funny.

There's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (wossat then?) She's not married or nuffink, but she's got this boyfriend, Joe, innit? He does joinery an' that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref.

One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like `Oo ya lookin at?'

Gabriel just goes 'You got one up the duff, you have.' Mary's totally gobsmacked. She gives it to him large 'Stop dissin' me yeah? I ain't no Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one!'

So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself. Liz is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers an' that. She's like 'Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I reckon I'm well blessed. Think of all the extra benefits an' that we are gonna get.' Mary goes 'Yeah, s'pose you're right'

Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponse a donkey, an' go dahn Bethlehem on that. They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop, yeah? To have her bay-bee an' that. But there ain't no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an' Joe break an' enter into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals. Cahs an' sheep an' that.

Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on their heads. They're like `Respect, bay-bee Jesus', an' say they're wise men from the East End.

Joe goes: 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein an' myrrh? Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?' It's all about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got another message from this Lord geezer. He's like 'The police is comin an' they're killin all the bay-bees. You better nash off to Egypt.' Joe goes 'You must be monged it you think I'm goin' dahn Egypt on a minging donkey'

Gabriel sez 'Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look out if you stay.' So they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped killin the first-born an' it's safe an' that. Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an' Jesus turns water into Stella.